"I can't believe that just fuckin' happened!"

So tonight was so .. bizarre. It started out being plain, normal. Val and I danced around the house, trying on clothes, and then we were contemplating what to make for dinner when mum suggested the pub, so we went there, met Jen, ate burgers. We came home, mum went to volleyball, Val went out with Shane. I was sitting at home, doing nothing, when I got an invitation to go for coffee with a friend of mine, Chris. So, on a whim, I accepted. It was probably about.. eight-thirty. He picked me up at home, we drove for a bit before picking up his friend Lacey. We went to the North End Tim Horton's, ordered some coffee, sat at a round table, drinking and talking. (We talked alot about how lame Matt is.) So we get back in the car, decide to go for a bit of driving. Chris says, "So where to?" I say, "Parksville!" you know, just on a whim. Lacey complains vaguely of having school tomorrow, but then decides its cool. So we get gas (and Big Turks!) and go barrelling down the road, music blasting. We get to Parksville, park in a drugstore parking lot (time: 11:06pm), cross the road, and walk along the beach. I freeze. Lacey freezes. Chris gives me his coat. We dance in the cold, look at stars, and dawdle. Twenty minutes later, we find ourselves back at the car. We get in, and wonder what to do now. Chris asks what comes after Parksville. I tell him Qualicum. So we go on, to Qualicum, where, as we breeze through, we decide to keep going. We discover there is a Qualicum Beach, Qualicum Beach 2, Little Qualicum, Big Qualicum, and Qualicum Bay. "Where's the Return of Qualicum!?" I ask. We all laugh. Driving through Bowser, we notice that gas is only 99.9, and that Bowser is possibly the lamest place ever. It's a gohst-town, there is not a soul. Turning a sharpish corner, we see what looks like a white plastic bag on the side of the road. Turns out, it is a white duck, just chillin' on the road, almost on the white line. It flutters a little and waddles as we drive by, and we all laugh hysterically. We pass Buckley Bay, Dropkick Murphys blaring. Enter: Courtenay. Lame lame lame. We stop at the Tim Hortons. It is nearly one am. It is dead. We order more coffee. We also get sour cream donuts, which, ultimately, on a scale of one to crap, get crap. We sit, and talk some more. Lacey stuffs a Napkin holder in her purse. I notice the woman behind the counter looks like she ran headfirst into a wall. We get up to leave, and I use the bathroom. On the way out I snatch a napkin holder to go with my one at home. Chris finds this hilarious, seeing as Lacey went through all these sneaky measures to get hers. So we leave Courtenay, and good riddance, stupid town. We head back home, going on along the back roads, like we did on the way there, except it seems to go by way faster, since Chris is driving faster and is not stuck behind old people, especially seeing as it is like 1:45 am. We are still listening to the Dropkick Murphys, and I look up to see a curve coming up. I think nothing of it, untill I realize we are not turning. We are skidding. There is ice! There is frost! Water splashes on the windshield! THERE IS A TELEPHONE POLE!! We miss it by two feet, on my side. We hit a metal mail box. We are stuck in a ditch for a few minutes, the wheels spinning uselessly, untill we mange to get out. A car passes us, and doesn't stop. We continue to drive down the road, rather slowly, and I am laughing hysterically, and we all keep freaking out. "I can't believ ethat just fuckin' happened!" I keep saying. I was about two feet away from being dead. We are all high on adrenaline for a while and can do nothing but jibber and say, "Ohmigod!" for a while. Chris is driving slowly, there is tons of ice all over the road. We pull over and he looks at his car but it looks fine. Lacey and I look at each other and I say, "I can't believe that just happened!" She agrees heartily. We go onto the highway, and Chris drops Lacey off at home. We see a deer. We go to Tim Hortons on Bowen and get more coffee. We tell the woman behind the counter about our adventures. She looks terrified. We sit, and drink our coffee. Then, we drive aimlessly. We go to the waterfront and take some night-time pictures. We drive some more. We see another deer, and, later, an up-side down couch on the side of the road. I decide I need to go home. I go home.
I'm now sitting here, perfectly safe, and thinking about how fuckin' close I was to dying. Two more feet and I woulda been toast. The other two mighta survived.. but not me! ..But I did. But I'm still kinda shakey. Christ. I'm glad we were all okay.
*sighs*

-Soni

:(

i miss orange hair.
music: kottonmouth - fire it up

happy new years!

I bet it rhymed in german..

Lovers, had they the time, could
recite words of wonder to the night.
But most things end by concealing us.
Look: trees are!
Our shelters endure.
But we, like mingled winds,
claim no single habitat.
All things conspire to
keep us secret-half,
it seems, from shame
and half in token of
some unspoken hope.
..
Angel! Were there an unknown place
where, upon an uncanny carpet, lovers
could disport themselves in ways
here inconceivable-daring ariel maneuvers
of the heart, scaling high plateaus of passion,
ladders leaning one against the other,
planted trembling upon the void...
Were there such a place, would their
performance prove convincing to an audience
of the innumerable and silent dead?
Would not these dead toss down their
final, hoarded, secret coins of joy,
legal tender of eternity, before the
couple smiling on that detumescent carpet,
fully satisfied?

--Rainer Maria Rilke
(From the Duino Elegies)

What in the world?

There's not a whole lot I can do about a lot in the world. I try to be myself, and all the wrong people fall for all the wrong reasons, and instead of making me happy and unappreciative, I feel guilt, remorse, lonliness. Not exactly the feelings love and kindness should give me. I don't understand the world anymore. I thought I did. I guess I never will. I realize, though, that the only thing that will keep me strong and give me happiness is myself. I need to make my own sucess. I need to create my own destiny, my own future. My own life, I suppose.
But I just wish it was like it was. Used to be, I mean. But nothing ever is or will be. All I can do is live or die. I can just be.


Fall-time sure is pretty.

Get Busy!

"what're you gonna do, tie up a ponyyy?"


it's a comfort to know, when you're singing the hit-the-road blues, that anywhere else you could possibly go after [here] would be ... a pleasure cruise.

let's open up a restaurant in santa fe - sunny santa fe would be nice. we'll open up a restaurant in santa fe and leave this to the roaches and mice !
you're a sensitive aesthete! brush the sauce onto the meat. you could make the menu sparkle with rhyme, you could drum a gentle drum. i could seat guests as they come, chatting not about heidegger, but wine!
..
what's the time? well it's gotta be close to midnight. my body's talking to me, it says "time for danger." it says "i wanna commit a crime, wanna be the cause of a fight, wanna put on my tight skirt and flirt with a stranger."

I'm not born to be a rescuer

I live in Miss. Bianca's little porcelain pagoda, peeking out every couple days, and wondering if the real world is as interesting as the stories I hear. Sometimes I think I am sick of eating cream cheese, but then I sit on the fountain, see the colours, feel my silk pillows.. I realize that a life of adventure and turrets and treacle and salt mines and rivers isn't for rme.
I'm so secluded and I don't even know it.

Soni's entity

My name is probably not really important, but for now, you may refer to me as Soni. Everyone else does. I am at a tender age, the age between childhood andd adulthood. I live like I should, I think.

I am the moon, or so she said. I am floating on high over to the stars in the water. One day, I will be with you, no.. I will always be with you. (No matter what you are.) I smell beautiful, like amorito, and chocolate, and I am domestic. I am cooking.
I am happy, I love you all. Maybe I was bitter. Maybe I still am. But I was unappreciative. I blow a kiss and the sparkles my love takes the form of blow to the air and catch the wind, flying around the planet to everyone I care about.
Sparkles in the wind...
Throwing wishes to the sea...

Love life, live love, live in the moment.
The only thing to do is jump over the moon.


smerp===;;hdhjkiopi
h
asdsfadfsfasdasfbnh


---;;
we knew all the answers and
we shouted them
like anthems,
anxious and suspicious
that God knew how much
we cheated
;;;;;
there's no
indication of what we were
meant to be, sucking
up to strangers, throwing
wishes to the
sea
``---efhrfj7;

Virgo: The week of the literalist

I move about the world in a vaguely directionless, gentle manner. I might come across as an artist and a lover of peace; but my open mind and heart can give me a chameleon-like persona. Although often quiet and shy, another day may find me talkative and passionate. I are hugely impressionable, have a dreamy disposition, and project a soft-hearted personality.

I resist any kind of labeling--my character is changeable, and I don't want to be pinned down or pegged in any way. Mine is a restless, searching nature that cannot be happy with any one way of living or being. I see the world the way I want to see it at any given time, so objectivity is not necessarily a strong point. Neither is decision-making!

I walk around with my head in the clouds, and even when you do have my attention, my dreaminess is almost always apparent. I often possess an irresistible charm that comes on in a quiet way, with a soft aura about me. Both my appearance and mannerisms are usually quite intriguing to others. Since I change my mind frequently enough, and like to "feel" my way through life, too much organization or structure can be seen as very limiting.



People could perceive what I think of as 'just thinking' as dreamy introspection. I seem ephemeral and hazy, lost in a world of visions and intuitions. Even if I feel absolutely sure of myself, others may step gingerly around me, afraid to break me or offend my supposed sensitivity. I am dreamy, inactive, stubborn, and least provocative. My eyes are full of sex and lust. I should avoid hurting others at any cost. I am modest, kind, courteous and lovable. I am soft and good natured, nervous temperament but highly romantic. I'm fond of love, poetry and music. I have a charitable nature.